What Are You Thinking? - June 11

by Cynthia Smith

Have you ever wondered what your dog is thinking? If only they could talk. I wonder if they would be like our kids who repeat every dirty word we let slip or complain we didn't spend enough time with them as puppies? I suspect, my Golden Retrievers would complain that I never fixed them a home cooked meal but something undetectable out of a bag.

Just Say It!
Life would be so much easier if they could tell me when they have to go outside, instead of staring at me like I have eight heads. Currently, I have to go through a litany of options to figure it out “Want a treat?”, “Want to go for a ride”, “Are you thirsty?” They respond positively to almost anything, if you say it in a high enough voice. This makes it almost impossible to know what they want. Of course, sliding their rear-ends across the floor is always a good hint and a great conversation starter at dinner parties.

Explain Why!
If they could talk, they could explain to me why they eat grass. I hate having to find it out the next morning when that gagging spit-up has dried on the good carpet. The only thing worse is hearing that “I am about to heave” noise in the middle of the night.

Perhaps they could explain why they don’t come when I call them but they can hear the lid being removed from the treat jar from two blocks away. I would love to hear them explain why they sniff each other’s rear-ends. No, forget that. I don't want to know. I am puzzled why they both want the same toy, when an identical one is just two feet away. They are really more like kids than we know. I’ve seen that dumb founded look on their faces when they get a carrot instead of a “Greenie.”

If my dogs could talk, I am sure they would object to me putting them in hats and glasses for pictures and sticking peanut butter on the roof of their mouths to watch their tongues reach the floor, as they try to lick it off. My son loves that one.

They Would Say Thanks
But on the other hand, I am sure they would express their appreciation for their nightly treat of yogurt before bedtime. I'm sure their voices would ring out with joy as we watched the Westminster Dog Show each year and tried to pick out the winner. A Golden Retriever has never won. It’s a conspiracy. I would love to see them react on Friday nights as we watch The Dog Whisperer. I can just hear them now making snide remarks about the overweight Chihuahua who compulsively chases her tail.

Yes, it would be nice to have a conversation with my dogs. But truth be known, I don’t really need to hear their voices. I just need to look into their eyes. Everything they want to communicate is there: guilt, hunger, pain, sadness, fear embarrassment and excitement. The eyes say everything on an animal, even “I love you.”

Cynthia Smith is President of Wayside Waifs, the largest no-kill Animal Adoption Center in Kansas  City, MO. Smith has had many animals over the years. She wrote the book Dogs Get Cancer Too. She is a first time author, but a seasoned journalist. She is a two-time Emmy winner and a former news anchor for WDAF-TV in Kansas City. She served as President and CEO of Sunflower House, a Child Abuse Prevention Center. She can be reached at Wayside Waifs at  (816) 761-8151 or visit www.waysidewaifs.org.